so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
