Umm I'm too high to move.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
