I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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