I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
