I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
