I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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