i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
