Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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