there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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