I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
