had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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