Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
