I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
