it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
