if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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