Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
