reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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