So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
