hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
