oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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