I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
