She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
