I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me