Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
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As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
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I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men