This is not my ceiling
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
