With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16