He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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