But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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