dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
