i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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