help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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