Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
porn star boner night. come get it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
