so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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