even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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