I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
