Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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