We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
