we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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