And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
