I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
