I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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