I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
