I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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