Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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