the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
