He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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