never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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