You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
