between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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