it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
