Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
