Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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