Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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