I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
