Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
