So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
