your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
