Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
