nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I cut my penus on the lid.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
