I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
