I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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