just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
