i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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