My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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