nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
