All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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